Stay On The Thankful Side

One of the ways that the enemy tries to pull me away from Jesus is through anxiety and negativity. I have struggled with anxiety for the greater portion of my life but it really reared its nasty, ugly head when I was pregnant with my son. I was so anxious and depressed that I developed habits that caused me to not recognize myself. I struggled with anxious, intrusive thoughts that continued after he was born. I tried so diligently to recover the woman I was before. I remember talking with precious jewel of a woman who, looking back, has not been constant in my life but God has always placed her with me at such important and formative moments. She spoke with me on a hot summer day about a year after Eli was born about how precious pregnancy and motherhood truly was. I am not good at quoting so forgive me but she spoke words that went something like "this time is such a gift from God and I truly became closer to Him because I was so amazed at what He was doing". I remember being struck with guilt because I had not at all sought God during my pregnancy....I had been so far away from Him during that time. I knew what a miracle I had been a part of but I didn't really understand and treasure that miracle. 

I worked hard to recover the woman I was before I had my son while also struggling continuously with anxious thoughts from satan. Around April of 2021 I found out I was expecting again. Almost immediately I was hit with anxiety specifically wether or not I would meet this baby. I had no reason to have the that thought in my mind and it crippled me. I was reading The Bible daily during this time and really focusing on my prayer life. I always came back to that conversation with my in "Jewel" in the parking lot and was convicted of how precious this time was and how God had designed me to be on this journey at this very time. This pregnancy was no accident and my anxious thoughts were stealing the joy and peace that I knew existed in Christ. I had decided that satan would no longer have control over my with anxious feelings and intrusive thoughts. So, I decided that I was going to celebrate this little life for as long as God blessed me with it and I would call out to Jesus when negativity overcame me. I did just that and have been on a journey that has deepened my relationship and faith with The Lord in ways that have not restored me to my old self but, have brought about a new woman and daughter of The King. 

This little baby was born in December of 2021 and it has been so much fun and so much work raising two babies to love The Lord. I had no reason to fear because no matter the outcome The Lord had gone before me and made it good in his perfect plan. I was talking with my mama earlier because we are dealing with sickness and I am having to be away from my children which is so challenging for me. I said to her "I am thankful but....". She said to me "stay on the thankful side." With those words I was brought back to what I have learned in my walk with Jesus about the lies satan feeds us and how we have to do the work in putting our focus on The Father instead of the lier. 

My anxiety has not gone away but I have been equipped by The Holy Spirit to fight the good fight and "stay on the thankful side". I fight daily but never, ever on my own. Through it all I didn't necessarily have one passage of scripture or verse that I repeated, there were many I had hidden in my heart that I would remind myself of. But, when things got hard I just called on the sweet name of Jesus and said it over and over until I had peace. I still do this, I just lean in "super tight" as Eli says to Jesus and let him hold me and carry me the rest of the way. He is so, so good! 

Some verses that I love:

Colossians 2:7 "Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness."

Luke 10:19-20 : "Look, I have given you authority over all the power of the enemy, and you can walk among snakes and scorpions and crush them. Nothing will injure you. But don't rejoice because evil spirits obey you; rejoice because your names are registered in heaven."

Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."

Philippians 4:4 "Rejoice in The Lord always. I say it again: rejoice!"

Galatians 6:9 "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we reap a harvest if we do not give up."

2 Corinthians 10:5 "We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ."